I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
