Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
