Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
