I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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