don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
