How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
