ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
