Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
