i jhust puked up my retainher.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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