I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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