just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
