he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
