Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
