last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
