well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
