Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
