yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
