normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
