Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
