I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
