I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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