I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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