The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
