Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
