You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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