I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
