every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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