If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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