They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
