What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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