this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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