So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
