Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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