that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize