I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
