So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
