i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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