Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
