Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
