So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
