he wants to bone in the snuggie
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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