Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
