the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
