Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
