xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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