I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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