Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
