she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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