I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
