Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
