New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
