I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
